Thursday, January 6, 2011

Here's What's Cookin' - David McGrath (circa mid 1980s)

2 hazel eyes 2 ears
1 mouth with 28 teeth glue
1 nose (that has allergies) human clothes
1 clump red-brown hair
4 ½ lbs. human skin
1 human body mold, about 5’2” high
2 cups self-sticking freckles
10 toenails and fingernails
1 personality box
5 cups powder of life
30 lbs. intelligence
dash of humor
25 lbs. athletic ability
20 lbs. cleverness
pinch of “devil”

Directions: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Boil skin for a little while to make it nice and flexible. Then fit the skin inside the human mold. Make sure that all of the mold is covered by skin. Bake the mold and the skin at 350 degrees F for about 20 minutes. Then take the mold and skin out of the oven. Next take the skin out of the mold. It is now nice and stiff and you are ready to fill it up.
First, cut holes in the skin where the eyes are going. Then, place the eyes in the holes (they should not fall out if skin was molded correctly). Now, put the nose, ears, and mouth where they should go.
After this, place an opened personality box in the head. Next, blend all of the personalities together and place them in the personality box. Now, close the personality box and put the top of the head together by gluing the clump of hair on. You then sprinkle the self sticking freckles on the face, arms, and legs. Now, put the toe and finger nails on the toes and fingers. You now make David come to life by sprinkling the powder of life on him. You should dress him and comb his hair.

First of all, damn did I have good penmanship! I think I could still write this well, if I was getting graded on it.
I would have to add Crohn’s Disease, cancer survivorship, broken clavicle, and two kidney stones to keep this up to date medically – even though there was no mention of organs anywhere.
Also, I would have to add more humor and “devil” to make up for the potential to be a professional athlete that I have lost over the years.
And, I couldn't find a grade anywhere on this assignment. At least I hope this was something I did for school and not just for fun!

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