Yes, I think farts are funny. And living with Crohn’s Disease hasn’t left me with much choice in the matter. A while ago, my brother Jon asked me what I thought were the 3 most memorable farts from our youth (he had 3 that came to his mind, and wanted to see if I could match). In a matter of seconds, I blurted out the exact same 3 that he thought of:
- The Fan Fart – My brothers were sitting on Tom’s bed one day and I felt one coming on. I farted right in front of the huge box fan that was on the other side of the room and turned it on high. They were literally knocked over from the force of the stench while I held back the tears of joy.
- The Moon Fart – Older brother Jon took advantage of a sleeping Tom and carried out something we had always joked about by never done: He mooned and farted in Tommy’s face. It woke Tommy up, and he yelled downstairs to my mother, “Mommy, Jonny mooned and farted in my face!” This time, there were two brother holding back tears as they laughed hysterically.
- The Lightning Fart – This one happened in the family van. I let one go from the back seat and it only took half a second before reaching the front of the van. People were covering their noses and opening up the windows. My poor cousin Matt, who was sitting right next to me, could only give an “I thought we were family” look.
Now, I try to hold farts in as much as I can. There are exceptions (certain male friend’s places), but I do my best. I still haven’t been jet propelled by one yet…