My Friends in Blue...

It's happened to many of us. You're driving fast, not paying that much attention, or you "forgot" that intersection was NO TURN ON RED. Then, you see those blue lights. You say to yourself, "Oh crap, I hope they're not pulling me over." Most of the time, they aren't pulling you over. But sometimes, yup, it's YOU they want...

When this happens to me, I implement steps my friend Drew told me will help get you out of a ticket:

1. Turn your car off and put the keys on the dashboard

2. Get your license and registration out and ready

3. Keep both hands in plain view

4. Smile as you hand your license and registration to the officer

5. If you know what you did wrong, admit it

Believe me, it works. Below are just two of the warnings I have received over the years, and they aren't the only ones. The first one was just for a broken light, so I had no idea why I was being pulled over. The second was a blatant disregard for a stop sign right in front of a police cruiser at the intersection. I followed the steps, and when he asked me if I saw the stop sign I was honest. I said, "Well, I was looking over at you and wanted to make sure I wasn't speeding so I think I didn't notice it." As you can see, he let me off with a warning.

Another time I was driving in Westboro on Lyman Street. There was a car pulling into Tatnuck Bookseller, and as I pulled around him I also crossed over the double yellow line. Just as I was doing this, I noticed a police car coming the other way on Lyman. Seconds after I took a right turn onto Main Street, I was being pulled over. As I handed the officer my credentials, I smiled and said "Double line violation, right?" He came back to my car after running my info and told me my honesty was refreshing and gave me a warning. A similar thing happened when I lived in Waltham. I was driving back to my apartment from getting paper to print my first draft of the first screenplay I had written. I told the officer I was excited to get home to print it, and he laughed and asked me if there were any police officer parts in the movie (If 6 Boston College Police Officers struggling to get a drunk student onto an ambulance count, then yes there are).

Even though I never received a written ticket or warning of any kind, my favorite "Friends in Blue" story happened during the summer between my freshman and sophomore years in college (this was before Drew had given me his advice). I was driving back from a Red Sox game with my brother Tom and we were on Main Street in Westboro. I saw a police cruiser signaling to turn into the station, and kept driving to take a left onto Ruggles Street. I guess the officer wasn't happy I didn't let him turn, because he made a U-turn and he pulled me over on Ruggles. I could tell right away he was upset. Very sternly and with authority he belted out, "You were going 35 miles per hour in a 30 mile per hour zone, do you know what that means?" I wanted to say "I don't get a ticket?", but I kept my mouth shut. He continued and said " I see this car speeding by my house ALL the time. You have a passenger with no seatbelt on and his feet out the window!"

"I'm sorry" was the only thing I could come up with.

"You shouldn't be apologizing to me!", he said.

So, I did the only thing a 19-year-old wiseass thought was appropriate: I turned to my brother Tom and said, "Sorry."

He didn't give me a ticket or a warning, I think he just wanted to remind me who was in charge.

Even with this story, I must say that most of my run-ins with my friends in blue have been pleasant ones - even when I have been, without a doubt, on the wrong side of the law. I'm sure there are police officers who wanted the job just for the "power trip" aspect of it, but I've been lucky for the most part to have not run into these people. So, thank you to those officers who dealt with me when I drank (never driving!) and let me off with warnings when I wasn't drinking. And thank you to every police officer who potentially puts his or her life on the line every day and night at a very difficult job.

PS - When I Googled "My Friends in Blue" I found this poem and a whole site dedicated to police poems....woah!

Here's What's Cookin' - David McGrath (circa mid 1980s)

Ingredients:
2 hazel eyes 2 ears
1 mouth with 28 teeth glue
1 nose (that has allergies) human clothes
1 clump red-brown hair
4 ½ lbs. human skin
1 human body mold, about 5’2” high
2 cups self-sticking freckles
10 toenails and fingernails
1 personality box
5 cups powder of life
personalities:
30 lbs. intelligence
dash of humor
25 lbs. athletic ability
20 lbs. cleverness
pinch of “devil”

Directions: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Boil skin for a little while to make it nice and flexible. Then fit the skin inside the human mold. Make sure that all of the mold is covered by skin. Bake the mold and the skin at 350 degrees F for about 20 minutes. Then take the mold and skin out of the oven. Next take the skin out of the mold. It is now nice and stiff and you are ready to fill it up.
First, cut holes in the skin where the eyes are going. Then, place the eyes in the holes (they should not fall out if skin was molded correctly). Now, put the nose, ears, and mouth where they should go.
After this, place an opened personality box in the head. Next, blend all of the personalities together and place them in the personality box. Now, close the personality box and put the top of the head together by gluing the clump of hair on. You then sprinkle the self sticking freckles on the face, arms, and legs. Now, put the toe and finger nails on the toes and fingers. You now make David come to life by sprinkling the powder of life on him. You should dress him and comb his hair.

First of all, damn did I have good penmanship! I think I could still write this well, if I was getting graded on it.
I would have to add Crohn’s Disease, cancer survivorship, broken clavicle, and two kidney stones to keep this up to date medically – even though there was no mention of organs anywhere.
Also, I would have to add more humor and “devil” to make up for the potential to be a professional athlete that I have lost over the years.
And, I couldn't find a grade anywhere on this assignment. At least I hope this was something I did for school and not just for fun!

Focusin: Set List, Ticket, Bumper Sticker, Pictures

They weren't around for very long, but they were definitely a big part of my life...

8+ years ago (woah!) when my friend Glen told me he had joined a band called Focusin, I knew I definitely had to check them out. After seeing that first show, I knew I would be going to as many future Focusin gigs as I could. Friend in the band or no friend in the band, these guys could play. I had a pretty good excuse for the first show that I missed: I was in the ER getting morphine for my first kidney stone. I went to see them in small venues like the Midway Cafe in Jamaica Plain, at Heinz Field in Pittsburgh, and everywhere in between. I watched them go through drummers like they were Spinal Tap, hung out with them at rehearsal, and even got to go up on stage a couple of times. Fun times, for sure...

I'm not sure which show the set list is from, but I know I was happy they started with my favorite song (Which is "Been Too Long", not sure who to blame for the misspell). The ticket is from the Town Fair show at Heinz Field in Pittsburgh (that's where the Steelers play). Focusin entered a national battle of the bands in 2003 and won the whole thing. Their grand prize was transportation to and lodging in Pittsburgh, and being the opening act for this show. They opened for Blink 182, Puddle Of Mudd, 311, Def Leppard, Sum 41, Saliva, and Trapt. The show rocked, and I almost got into a fight with a local who vocalized he wasn't happy when the stage manager told Focusin they could play an extra song. The bumper stickers were something I often handed out (along with Focusin demo CDs) to the thousands of adoring fans at their shows. I wonder how many people still have one of these besides me?

The first picture is of Glen and me at Copperfield's in Boston. It was the end of the night, and the boys agreed to let Glen and I do our best version of Denis Leary's "Asshole". I must admit, it was one of the happiest few minutes of my life - people were actually singing along! The one below that is Glen signing his first autograph during the Town Fair show, and the picture in the upper right is me with Glen and our friends Mike and Matt (also at the Pittsburgh show). The last picture is me with the Focusin boys at their CD release party in 2005. It was at the Middle East in Cambridge and was on my birthday - pretty damn cool.

For more on Focusin, you can check out the Focusin T-shirts I blogged about last year: T-shirt #59, T-shirt #115, and T-shirt #203.

You can also check out the Focusin Myspace Page, Facebook Page, and YouTube Channel.

Finally, you can watch their video for "Hypnotize" here and their performance of "Seasick" at Heinz Field below.

Thanks for all the great memories, Focusin! Looking forward to the next reunion show!

Seasick

Focusin | Myspace Music Videos

W.M.A.

It would be nice to not have debt. It would also be very nice if I could visit my west coast friends Glen, Andy, and Mike whenever I wanted to. And I really, really, really want to go check out Ireland with my family. But barring a severe change in lifestyle, I can't imagine how I could spend $115 million (I'm estimating half of tonight's $330 million Megaball Jackpot - I would gladly pay whatever taxes for whatever tax bracket these winnings would give me) on myself. It is very easy for me to say what I would do with the $115 if I had it...

(This is all, of course, after I would consult my lifetime accountant, a.k.a. "Dad")

I would:

1. Give $1 million each to my family members (Mom, Dad, Jon, Ca, Tom, Meg, Auntie, Uncle Charley, Katie, Matt-O, Aunt Carol) - call it reparations for putting up with me for 30+ years

2. Put aside $1 million for the education of my nephews and niece

3. Buy family season tickets for the Bruins, Sox, Pats, and BC

4. Build a place big enough on PEI so my whole family could stay up there at the same time comfortably

5. $1 million to Hope Lodge in Worcester - although this would allow me to rename the whole building, I would name the rooms inside: There would be ones for Danny, Justin, Greg, Casey, Linda - each with a theme that went along with that person

6. $1 million to set up the Skating for Hope fundraiser at every Hope Lodge that had a skating rink nearby

7. $1 million each donated to: One Ball Two Strikes, Leary Firefighters Foundation, Cam Neely Foundation, Michael J. Fox Foundation, and the New York Center for Autism (this is what Jon Stewart's Night of Too Many Stars benefited).

8. $5 million to set up scholarships to Boston College: One for any student with Crohn's Disease and another for any student who currently had or was a survivor of brain cancer

9. $2 million to set up scholarships to Saint John's in Shrewsbury, MA: One in Danny Manning, Jr.'s name and the other in Greg Montalbano's name

10. $1 million to the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation

11. $1 million to help existing and/or start a homeless shelter in Worcester: I don't think anyone should have to spend the night without a safe place to sleep, so I might as well start with where I live

I'm sure there are many more causes I could put my money into. Even with everything I just listed, I would still have about 115-12-1-1-1-1-1-5-5-2-1-1= $84 million dollars to figure out what I wanted to do with it. Would living in a bigger place make me happier? I doubt it. Would being able to spend more time with family and friends doing things we enjoyed make me happier? You bet. Would owning as many cars as Jay Leno make me feel more successful? God, I hope not. Would I enjoy being able to play hockey more? Um, yeah.

I will never stop saying it. Money and things do not make (or shouldn't make) you happy. The only thing that really matters in life is the people you have in yours. Yes, one might say that I've had some "unlucky" things happen to me. I got Crohn's and brain cancer in high school. I got hit by a Ford Bronco in college. I've had some tough personal times. But, I'm lucky. I have family and friends that love and support me. I have a job, and it's a job that I love. I don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming from or if I'll have a roof over my head for the night. Compared to most of the world, I'd say that's pretty damn lucky.

So, I'm digitally sending my lottery numbers out to the world. I'm trying to picture the world responding, and one of these tickets has the winning numbers. At least I have a game plan for what I'm going to do with it, and putting it all online before the drawing? I'd pretty much have to do all these things, wouldn't I? Doing all of those is what would really make me happy anyway...

PS - In case you didn't know, the title of this blog is a reference to the Pearl Jam song of the same name, which isn't about winning the money lottery, but I think is still very appropriate.

Cry Ulfie, Cry!

I try not to take pleasure in the misfortunes of others. But, when someone messes with one of my heroes, that all changes...

In 1991, my beloved Bruins were playing the Penguins in the Conference Finals. In game 3, Ulf Samuelsson cheap-shotted Cam Neely with a hit on his knee that would lead to Cam's career ending much too early. Although (as you can see on YouTube) Cam says the hit they show isn't the one that really did it, Samuelsson's cheap style of play against him did. Even though I hope "Ulfie" didn't intend to end Neely's career, I don't think he ever apologized to Cam. And after this hit, he also backed down every time Neely challenged him (probably something to do with the pounding he took earlier when he was on the Whalers - see clip below). Simply put, Ulf Samuelsson is not the type of player I want to see on the Bruins...ever!

Seven years later during the 1998 Olympics, my friend Ulfie was playing for his homeland Sweden. Then, they found out he had a US passport and he wasn't allowed to play for the rest of the tournament. It made him cry, and seeing this picture made me happy. So happy in fact, that I hung it over my dresser for several years.

Ironically, I now root for this goon's son Philip, who plays for the BC Eagles (Hey, it's not the kid's fault his father is bad-mouthed by every Bruins fan and many hockey fans). And don't you worry - I look for Ulf at every game I attend. It's been almost twenty years, but I would love it if I could ask him if he's ever going to apologize to Cam. Jesus, he cried over missing the Olympics. What if someone had taken away years of your NHL career, Ulfie? GO B'S!!!!

Notes from a junior at Boston College

First of all, I have to apologize to my father. Dad, if I knew then what I know now, I would have studied a lot more and obviously would have made better choices with alcohol. I'm sorry that under the circumstances I wasn't able to realize how lucky I was to be receiving that education - an education you provided to me and for a school that rivaled the one you went to. Thank you for always providing for me and continuing to be one of my biggest supporters. I hope this makes you laugh...

It's pretty easy to figure out when I started and stopped drinking by looking at my transcript from Boston College (you'll have to wait for that scan in a later blog). Junior year was a year that I drank a lot. Although I told myself I was more in control because I drank "just beer" instead of the vodka I drank sophomore year, I still really liked getting drunk...a lot. And although I rarely got drunk during the week or went to class drunk, it definitely had an effect on my academics. Exhibit one, a page from my junior year notebook:

I guess by writing "I'm screwed on the midterm" I wasn't too confident going into into it. But at least "these notes suck" shows I was aware that my "note taking" really wasn't helping the situation.

What I didn't know then was that I wasn't the only one in the class severely slacking on studying for this midterm. My future friend Scott (who I didn't hang out with until senior year) was also not ready for the test. In fact, he and his friend had a bet: Whoever got a lower score on the midterm didn't have to pay for their upcoming road trip to see the Islanders play at the Whalers. His friend was first to go up and get his test back, and triumphantly smiled as he showed Scott his 7 (Yes, that's based out of 100). Scott was pretty sure he failed too, but was getting ready to treat his friend to the hockey game. That all changed when Scott saw his grade...a 3.

So, I hope all of you BC, HC, and whatever C students realize how lucky you are to be receiving your education. I am glad to report that even with his 3, Scott graduated from BC, has led a successful life, and is a very happy "New Dad". Dad, if more fathers were like you, there would be a lot less problems in the world...thanks for everything.

In case anyone was wondering, the "Cynical Fuck" on the cover is the name of an Extreme song on their album that came out that year.

People Who Don't Suck

12 years ago when I was getting my Master's in education, I was student teaching at a special education school in Boston. One of the math projects I assigned that year was creating, conducting, and reporting a survey. The students chose a topic they were interested in (video games, movies, and food were popular) and came up with questions to ask other students and teachers. After distributing, collecting, and recording the answers from the surveys, each student had to pick at least 3 questions and make a graph for the results.

When I told MB it was time to pick the questions he wanted to graph, he gave me some of his usual task avoidance/Jim Carey-like silliness. When he could tell that I was serious he took a piece of paper, quickly scribbled something on it, and handed it to me. This is what he gave me...

I laughed my ass off, and I couldn't have agreed more. It wasn't the first time that MB had me laughing out loud as I attempted to teach. In September, I was outlining the science subjects we were going to be studying that school year. I told them we would be doing a unit in biology followed by chemistry. I added that I had ordered a really cool book called "Chemistry with Toys" that explained how things like Silly Putty and Lava Lamps worked. I then went on and explained that we would also be studying health and sex ed. MB immediately raised his hand and when I called on him he asked, "Did you get the 'Sex Ed with Toys' book?" In the midst of my laughter I managed to get out, "M, that is very funny, but not appropriate for school..."