Birthday Card from My Sister (2010)

Diabetes, Asthma, Crohn’s, cancer, cists, surgeries, dog attacks, broken bones, unemployment, and drinking. There are more, but you get the drift.

Why do none of these really matter and why has my family been able to deal with all of them? It’s simply because we have each other.

My older sister has been there for me through everything, and without her support I wouldn’t have been able to make it through my challenges. I am there for her when she needs me, and today I’m wishing her a very happy birthday and best of luck with her new job.

Thanks for everything Ca, I love you!

Note from Dad and Picture with Mom and Dad in PEI

My family reminds me of the 2010-2011 Boston Bruins. They stick up for each other, believe in each other, and embrace each other through tough times.

For the B’s, there have been injuries, losing streaks, powerplay woes, and 0-2 playoff holes.

For my family over the years it has been broken bones, Diabetes, Asthma, Crohn’s Disease, brain cancer, drinking issues, unemployment, surgeries, kidney stones, broken hearts, ER visits, and other “normal” family struggles.

The Bruins have their captain, Zdeno Chara, and netminder Tim Thomas as the two big leaders of the team. Through their actions and words, Z and Timmy have led the B’s to a place they haven’t been in 21 years. They have shown what it takes to overcome adversity, and are on the verge of evening up the 2011 Cup Finals.

The McGraths have my mom and dad, Mary Beth and Paul. When their 5 children faced medical, professional, and emotional challenges, they responded with nothing but unconditional love and support. They made our family stronger when faced with things that might drive other families apart. It all started when they pledged their love for each other 42 years ago today, and each day since they have been perfect role models to what I think is life’s most important lesson: The only thing that really matters in life is the people you have in yours.

Thanks for everything Mom and Dad…I love you. And, GO B’S!!!!!

Scan note: My parents are always writing me notes like this one, which my dad left me before a trip to Prince Edward Island. I keep just about all of them, and I’m sure a few more will make their way onto this blog like this other one did. And the picture (don’t know where the spots came from) is of me with my parents up in PEI.

UMass Cancer Survivor's Day 1993 (Invite, Program, Worcester Telegram Article)

It was 9 months after my last round of chemotherapy for my cancerous brain tumor, and I had just finished my first year of college. After receiving the invite in the mail, my doctor (Molly Schwenn) invited me to be one of the speakers. She had just been one of my strongest allies in my battle with cancer, so it was easy for me to say yes.

I love the lineup of speakers in the program. MD, MD, MD, Dave, MD. It would have been even better if they just wrote “Dave” instead of David McGrath. I was only 19, but I knew those letters didn’t make them better speakers. I doubted any of them were going to talk about being an 18-year-old with a cancerous brain tumor, and that’s what I did.

Like the article says, I opened with a poem I wrote, What She Is, and then started to talk about my diagnosis and treatment at UMass. I talked about how I was also went o UMass for my Crohn’s Disease, and how confident I felt with their treatment. The doctors and nurses at UMass made me feel at ease, well informed, and as comfortable one can be in a hospital setting.

Even though I realized how important my top-notch UMass treatment was, I went on to share what I thought was the reason my chemotherapy worked. The love and support I received from my family is the reason I was able to beat cancer. They knew I had to do it my way, and they were behind me every step of the way. They could tell I wasn’t afraid, and made sure not to show any of their fear in front of me.

My friends were the same. I then talked about a 10-year-old I had met while in treatment. His name was Justin, and his tumor was on his brain stem. This kid was 8 years younger than me, and had even more courage. He had been in treatment for well over a year, and had a few remissions and relapses. Still, I saw the same attitude with Justin and his family as I did with me and mine.

We had cancer. But, we still laughed. We still watched the Red Sox. We still did things with our family and friends. As much as we could, we didn’t let cancer interrupt our lives. This is the lesson cancer taught me:

If you can’t live life with love and humor, there really is no point. Life is always going to throw you sucky days. Sometimes you get a flat tire or in car accident. Sometimes you throw up a lot from chemotherapy. Sometimes a person at work drives you nuts. Sometimes your team loses the big game. Sometimes your best friend sues you. But, you make it through and go onto the next day. You watch a funny movie or hang out with a friend, and you feel thankful. No matter what kind of day you had, you still live, laugh, and love.

The most important thing in life is the people you have in yours…

Damn, I’m lucky.

My Bling (World War II dog tags, wedding band, and Saint Rita medal)

This is what I wear around my neck every day…

The dog tags are my grandfather’s from Word War II. His name was David Michael Hayes, and he was from Worcester, MA. His blood type was O, and his rank was captain. His father was Patrick Hayes who lived at 3 Lily Street in Worcester (which doesn’t exist anymore). He was 26 when he went away to fight (the day after he married my grandmother), and he didn’t return for over 3 years. I only knew him for the first 9 years of my life, but I’m pretty sure he’s been looking out for me well past then (like the time I got hit by the Ford Bronco, perhaps?). Anytime you think I’m being a wiseass, he’s partially to blame.

The ring is my grandfather’s wedding band – it was resized after he passed away so my grandmother could wear it. Although there are many, I will share my favorite “Gram” story. My uncle, who had just started dating my aunt, was picking her up one night. This night happened to be “Bridge Night”, when my grandmother got her friends together to drink, smoke, and play the occasional round of Bridge. Her beverage of choice that night was Harvey Wallbangers, and she definitely had a few in her when my uncle showed up. When she answered the door slightly slurring her words she told my uncle something to the effect of: “You’ll have to pardon me, I’ve had a few Harvey Wallbangers, and now I don’t know who I’m banging, Harvey or the wall…” (Welcome to the family!) Even though neither of my grandparents are here now, their love has certainly been passed down to my generation and I’m glad I get to wear a symbol of it around my neck.

If you didn’t know, Saint Rita is the patron saint of impossible dreams (You can read more about her here, here, and here). A couple of those have prayers to say to Saint Rita, but I came up with a poem of my own:

Saint Rita,

Are you still there,

Or has it been too long

Since the earth

Saw you here?

My dream impossible

Is to see your image

With fire,

A pass around the world

And everyone’s colorblind.

Saint Rita,

I call upon thee

To save us,

And why not tonight?

How much more desperation

Before we get your

Interventional light?

No matter what your religion or what/who you pray to (if you pray at all), I really do think things like world peace are possible if enough people believe and want it to happen. This is what I wear because this is what I believe in: Family, Love, and Dreams. I hope you have a lot of each of those in your life…